Only You
by future mrs. jim halpert
Summary: Post Convention. Pam revisits a very important moment from the past months without Jim.


Only You

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the characters of the office, even though I wish I did.

Dedication: to my BFF that introduced me to the site, and who I made as obsessed as I am with the office.

This is my very first story on fanfiction, so please be kind... and sorry if its not so great.

It had been four months, one week and three days since she had last seen Jim. That night at Michael's Casino fundraiser for AIDS had replayed over and over in her mind. "_I'm in love with __you._". The words that Jim uttered to her were a constant reminder of all the things she had wanted in life, but did not realize until he was gone.

As she collated papers for Michael to sign, her mind again wandered...

Pam found herself staring at Roy, the once love of her life, only realizing that the sparks that once inflamed her heart had slowly burnt out. He, like every other Monday night, was contently watching the television screen and cheering on his favorite football team. She never really minded watching with him, figuring that it was one of the few nights he was home. The other weeknights he, along with Darryl and some of his college buddies would go to Poor Richard's or have poker night in the warehouse. Roy's Monday ritual of staring at the screen didn't usually bother Pam,_ 'he has a tough job, he needs time to unwind'_, but this night in particular, it did.

"Roy ?"

"Ya Pam, just a sec. They are just about to go to half time." he answered without turning his head away from the t.v.

"Roy, it's really important that you listen to me instead of watching that damn football. I'm not sure of things anymore." With that, he turned his eyes towards her, partly because of how she sounded when saying this; angry, yet sad and depressed.

"Is everything alright?" he asked with some concern in his voice. "Your not PMSing again are you, because if you are; im sorry but you can be a little pissy, no matter what I say." The tone in his voice changed from concern to annoyance in the single moment of saying this.

His lack of concern for her feelings with his comment confirmed what she had been conciously struggling with in her mind for the past month. And no matter how much she tried to deny it, she had been struggling for more than two years with the same thoughts.

"Are you happy?" she asked him while turning off the t.v with the remote.

"Hey. I was watchi..." he trailed off in his words when he say the desperate expression on her face. "Ya. I'm pretty happy. I have a good job, and I guess we are getting married soon. So that will be ... why you asking me this?"

"Roy..." she began to let her true feelings pour out of her for the first time in her life. "I feel like we have been together s long just because it's convenient. I'm not sure if I feel the same about you, not like I did in the beginning, or even two years ago."

"What'd ya mean Pam?" he asked her with some worry in his voice.

"I don't feel like you ever listen to me, you don't pay any attention to me. And you never support me with the things I want to do. It's always been that way. And it's not all your fault because I just never told you before. It never really bothered me, but I realized that I hate being the one in the background. I feel trapped in this, this thing we are in. It doesn't feel like I'm in the right place in my life anymore. I don't think we should get married."

After hearing all this Roy' face went blank. After sitting in silence for a minute he spoke to her. "Well, if you don't want to get married that's great. Saves me a whole bunch of money, we're common law anyways. It's ok I never really wanted to get married. Just thought it was what you wanted. Honorable thing. Right?" Thinking the problem was resolved, Roy reached for the remote now located infront of Pam on the coffee table.

"Roy you don't get it. I don't want to marry you, meaning I'm not in love with you anymore." As she said this to him she felt herself begin to cry, partly for her sake, but also for Roy. He didn't deserve this she thought, not at a moment's notice. "I don't think I have been for a while. I've just been kidding myself. And I know its not fair to you, but if I stay it wouldn't be fair to me either."

"Pam?" a voice called to her. She broke from her thoughts to look up. It was Michael wanting her to come into his office. She could tell it wouldn't be good by the way he looked, serious.

As she sat down on the chair next to the door of his office, Michael began to talk. "As you know, I was at a convention last week."

"Ya Michael. Is this really important? Because I have a lot of work to do."

"Pamela" he said looking at her with a sad expression. "I've called you in to talk about one of our favorite sales reps."

_Please don't say Jim... Please don't say Jim_ she thought over and over in her head.

"Jimbo." He said looking at her. Turning to the cameras, he said "Turns out I wasn't the reason he left. Good news for me." He turned back to Pam with a smug look on his face, knowing the exact reason why he had left so suddenly.

T.B.C...


End file.
